Help Your Mind Help You!

There is a way to have everything in life that you want

If you have passed your 30s you may have started having doubts about being able to fulfill your life dreams.  If you are like most of us you probably remember the passion you had about the amazing journey of life in your 20s.  Believing that you had figured it all out.  Determined to find true love, become rich and happy, help others, save the world.

Was that a lot to ask?

Reality can be a pill.  Life is a journey, all right, but a journey full of unexpected twists. People who disappoint you in every corner.  Coworkers who stab you in the back.  Relatives who take advantage of you.  Jobs that demand all your time.  Responsibilities that and drain you.  Sometimes you are running empty.

You start to worry.  What are you doing wrong?  You descend as others ascend.  Your friends don’t understand you, or your kids are disrespectful.  Or your job doesn’t satisfy you anymore. Your vacations are never long enough.  Or you have a pile of bills but you can’t pay them all. 

There are more days in the end of the month than dollars left.   Or you are tied up with responsibilities, long term commitments you want to honor. But can you?  You feel overwhelmed and scared.

If only you could start over! 

 

Go for it! Whatever doesn’t work, change it!  One area.  Or every area of your life!   YOU CAN start over.  No rules against it!

Once you start, keep going,
 “Never, never, never give up.”
 (Churchill who said it, knew something about trouble and positive change.)

If you decide to change the biggest battle is inside! 

Have you noticed that when we want to change something the mind pulls all the breaks?  In psychology we call that “resistance” – very powerful stuff.

Your mind needs to be convinced before it helps you!
 Until then it will be the “devils advocate” and sabotage you!

Help your mind to help you.

Your mind may think: “Can’t do.”, “Too shy.”, “Too scared.”, “Too old.”   Be patient and respond.   So what?  So what if you are x-years old. That sounds like a valid excuse, but tell your mind it is an excuse! Tell your mind: No more excuses!   Deep inside you know YOU CAN have what you want.   You may not know HOW to do it.  (We will get to the practical and hands on skills as we go.)   First let’s make sure we commit to enthusiastically going for a dream life!

Here are some of the reasons to convince your mind why to help you make your life dreams true:  

  1. You know so much more about life than you did in your 20s. Totally different developmental stage.  For 35-65 year-olds Erick Erickson (major developmental psychologist, the teachers know him) gave us a good sense of what we all need to feel satisfied.

Here is a sample of what 35-65 year olds are driven to “need” by nature (among other things!)

  • “to be in charge”
  • to use our skills to create (material things are important here)
  • to establish a stable work and family environment and pass on our values
  • to contribute to the betterment of society  (we long for that one too)

There is a second reason:  (I will sound pretty corny but this is very important so here it is)

  1. Life wants you to succeed.   The universe wants you to succeed. You are pre-programmed to want to be in control of your life.  (Erick Erickson’s developmental chart helps to see it)
    You want to be Master of YOUR Destiny!  Do it and life will be behind you all the way.
  1. You know how to succeed.   So no excuses! Every success you have had so far counts, no matter how small.  You just need to up the ante and raise your standards.  (New skills are required for more complex tasks but those are learned skills, for example: time management, organization, business/financial planning, etc)
  1. The fourth reason is kind of scary.  You don’t need me to tell you that every time you worry you are training your mind to notice problems.  If you stress all the time the bad stuff will multiply! I think that: We get what we focus on.  I am not a philosopher or a poet of course, so here is Rumi who says :

“What YOU seek SEEKS you”

So, be very careful where your thoughts are spending most of their time.  If you don’t like what you think, change it.  (More about that later.)

  •   So, if you want more, go for more!
  •   It is in our nature.  And nature is backing us up. (Unless we get in the way!)
  •   It is part of our developmental stage to want to succeed (to want to create and have to give)
  •   If we don’t succeed then we get stuck (Erick Erickson says “we stagnate”)

Change sounds easy but we all know that it isn’t.  If only you could have the enthusiasm you had in your 20s added to your current experience and wisdom!  Then you could do it!

Who says you can’t have that?  Tell that inner voice in your head that brings you down, that you have been a 20 year old and that optimism and energy you experienced IS INSIDE OF YOU, experiences don’t go anywhere!

You can face challenges with courage and humor! You can learn from mistakes, they make good stories to tell later!
You can aim for financial prosperity.

You can be happy! You can make others happy.  YOU CAN CHANGE the world. 

There is one catch, and I think if you are more than 20 will probably know what I mean.
You can’t  change the world around you until you change yourself.

How do you do it?  Regardless of where you are in life, raise your standards. If you have to start over in one area of your life do that too.  It is worth it!

So today we talked about the first step
in making sure you get everything in life that you want.
You first need to address inner resistance. 
Help your mind
to stop sabotaging you and
to start helping you.

YOU are worth it!

Aphrodite

P.S. I know this is the ten thousand feet view!  But sometimes the big picture helps.  We need to see the general idea.  We will get more specific, I promise!

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